Keep this on your mind

Thanatophillia?

2011-07-17T01:14:00.003+08:00

SONG OF THE DAY!!
Dubby Jonny - 9 Drop (Dubstep)

Dubstep has really become a drug for me :> Not a single day goes by without it...

Anyway, I really feel like penning/typing some thoughts down right now.

I intend to change my artist name from Bryan Brilliance to something else. Someone told me that Bryan Brilliance sounds like a really ego amateur and I have to agree with that. I love the name The Heartbreak Riot but it really sounds like an alternative/post-hardcore band. I don't want that name-image association. I was thinking of going with Firesprite because it's really nice and sweet to roll off one's tongue but it doesn't describe me at all. Firesprite is a name I thought of two years ago.
Today, I thought of using a word I thought looked really cool, "Eirenicon".
Pronounced as Ai-ri-ni-kon. The thing is that it would be difficult for many to spell as well as pronounce, so it wouldn't get as popular as it could possibly get.

But what, could describe me? I tend to make music that sounds angsty yet beautiful at the same time. Well I do think it's beautiful. Pretty much anything that I want others to appreciate HAS TO BE GOOD. I don't declare myself a perfectionist for nothing. And also, I've been really fascinated by the idea of death and dying. It's almost like thanatophillia. Gruesome illustrations of girls will blood all over the mouths and smiling insanely arouses me. I must be crazy. But yeah, it's true. I intend to look for words related to death/insanity later today or sometime soon. That will have to be my finalized artist name. I can't afford to keep changing it.

Also, I feel short of time. And I know the cause of it is really just my addiction to the internet. I'm on Facebook all the time that I'm on the internet and it's really consuming too much of my time... Replying to unnecessary posts and poking my nose into others' business.

Another thing I waste too much time on is porn. I just can't make a quick fap to a video and be done with it. I keep searching for new videos and watch them from start to end because I demand foreplay. Ahh... Speaking of which... Brb fapping.

Am I...?

2011-07-17T01:06:00.003+08:00

I retried a personality twice to get these results.
I honestly feel that they're as accurate as can be.

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education:

You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Scatter The Seeds Left To Grow The Right Meat

2011-05-30T11:59:00.003+08:00

An error made should ensue with a lesson learned.

With just a figure of faith, forgiveness comes unearned.

Look up to the sky and clasp your shaking hands,

Kneel through a daily ritual, and cheapen your repents.

The rain is coming, mistakes will be whitewashed.

Ignorance is our bliss, we all have been brainwashed.

I'm trying to portray the world, as crudely as I can.

We're relentlessly rejecting the truth we can't understand.

Existence is meaningless.

A continuation, an endless cycle.

Identity is worthless,

just distinguishing empty vessels.

All I just want is to see a better tomorrow,

I am waiting, waiting to die.

Another day just comes and will be borrowed,

I'm not living, just clinging on to life.

I'll never know when I'll be killed in sleep,

And if I'm waking, what will I see?

Another day pulled along like beads on a thread?

The only voice I've been hearing is the screaming in my head.

Everyday is a lie, because we believe we're alive.

We need to save ourselves.

Our souls have ruptured and we're bleeding inside.

I am not living, just clinging on to life.

Hollow and selfish is what we've become.

We're just taking on a human form.

I'll finally escape from this world I hate.

I'll mean my goodbye for the very last time it is said.

My Top Waifus

2011-04-30T15:53:00.008+08:00

Lets see... I'm about to compile a list of girls I really felt great affection for.

...

and because they're all fictional, I'm pretty much declaring that I'm really an otaku after all.

Their positions in my heart are not placed by the order in this list.

1. Touwa Erio

(Denna Onna to Seishun Otoko)

2. Victorique De Blois

(Gosick)

3. Gokou Ruri

(Ore No Imouto Konnani Kawaii Wake ga Nai)

4. Tachibana Kanade

(Angel Beats!)

5. Index Liborium Prohibitorium

(To Aru Majutsu No Index)

6. Elsea de Lute Irma

(Kami Nomi zo Shiru Sekai)

7. Nessa

(Fractale)

8. Ikaros

(Sora No Otoshimono)

9. Rose

(Dragon Crisis!)

10. Eucliwood Hellscythe

(Kore Wa Zombie Desu Ka?)

And.. After compiling this list, I realised that none of these girls are actually women ._.
They're all possibly... Under 18 zomgz!

6 Lesson's in Life

2011-04-13T19:49:00.001+08:00

Lesson 1: Naked Wife
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,…
“Who was that?” “It was Bob the next door neighbor,” she replies. “Great!” the husband says, “Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish” “Me first! Me first!” says the administration clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Poof! She’s gone. “Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii,relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.” Poof! He’s gone. “OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 3
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said,”Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest removed his hand. But,changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest apologized “Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.” Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, “Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.”

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 4
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him,”Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.

Lesson 5: Power of Charisma
A turkey was chatting with a bull “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, but I haven’t got the energy.” “Well, why don’t you nibble on my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.” The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it wont keep you there.

Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Moral of the story:
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
3. And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!

Voluntary Solitary

2011-02-28T00:41:00.004+08:00

Falling. I took a dive from grace
Everything means nothing
when everything is fading away from me

Drowning, in a bottomless pit,
Unable to scream when I'm dying again inside
and this tests my mortality

The sky parts and moans away
Washing my eyes, washing my eyes
I always chase the sunsets, but never the sunrise

Save me, bring my world into your hands
I've given up on everything I called my life
and let the sorrow build me
Change me, lift me up to light once more
take my hand and walk me through
away from my hopelessness

Tell me your tales of love
Tell me your world of blithe,
that I'll never come to know

Veil me behind the curtains of blood
No one, no one, needs to see me
No one wants to see my face again

Broken bones will always mend
The broken-hearted can find another love
but can you live a broken life?

Oh.

I have come to hate this life
and hate all the words I meant for you
And when i see the joy in your eyes
I hate the despair I see in mine

Hiding, from fractured rays of light
I try to find myself some solace
and cold serenity alone

Sinking, into the backdrop
No one needs to see the face of this
freak

Save me, bring my world into your hands
I've given up on everything I called my life
and let the anguish choke me
Change me, lift me up to light once more
grant me just one wish to be
beautiful

2011-02-07T21:59:00.029+08:00

Updated watchlist:
Gosick
Clannad

Hanasaku Iroha
Hidan No Aria
Ano Hi Mita Hana o Namae o Bokutachi Wa Mada Shiranai

Denpa Onna to Seishun Otoko

Stein's Gate

-----

Pending:
Minami-Ke

Bakemonogatari

Durarara!

Death Note

Toradora!

Full Metal Alchemist

Gurren Lagann

Spice and Wolf
Koe De Oshigoto

Elfen Lied

Higurashi

Amagami SS

Asobi Ni Iku Yo!

-----

Completed:

K-On!
K-On!!

To Aru Kagaku No Railgun

To Aru Majutsu No Index
Ore No Imouto Ga Konnani Kawaii Wake Ga Nai!!

Angel Beats!

Highschool Of The Dead

Midori No Hibi

Yosuga No Sora

Houkago No Pleiades
Shiki
School Days
Kimikiss Pure Rouge
Kissxsis
Seitokai No Ichizon
Sora No Otoshimono
Sora No Otoshimono Forte
Dragon Crisis
Kore Wa Zombie Desu Ka?
Fractale

To Aru Majutsu No Index II

Oniichan no Koto Nanka Zenzen Suki Janain Dakara ne!!
Code Geass R1 & R2

Yumekui Merry

Puella Magi Madoka Magica

Freezing

Black Rock Shooter OVA

Toaru Majutsu no Index Episode 15 [1/2]

2011-01-31T00:37:00.000+08:00

To Aru Majutsu No Index!

THE NEXT TIME I HAVE THE TIME, I'LL BE WATCHING THIS EPISODE!
Man oh man, this series is really really good. I watched episode 1 to 14 today ~.~

And I think I've fallen for Index... *shakes self back to reality*
What am I talking about...
But.. She's so cute...

Oh! And I hardly did anything work-related this weekend... Damn it... I'm really... Putting myself in danger. NEED TO RUSH AND FINISH MY ASSIGNMENTS ZOMG.
*clenches fist* RAWR!!!

Oh and uh... Hmm.. Song of the day?

Oh yeahhhhh. This song is the best in the album ^^

Love Doesn't Exist by Ang Jian Rong

2011-01-30T23:12:00.005+08:00

Complete and total adoration.
My gift to you, my heart was yours.
In ten weeks you shaped it,
in one night you murdered it.

Torn from my chest and laid at your feet,
that first step you took was the worst.
Since then you've walked a thousand miles
in silence and with short remark.

I still have these memories,
but we'll never see what we could have been.

Remember when you held my hand
like you'd never let it go?
Remember when we talked about
where we'd be a year from now?
Remember, because all that's left is the past.
We'll never make another memory.

I wish I died in your arms
the last time we were together,
So I wouldn't have to wake without you today.
Reality is a nightmare.

You made promises, what happened?
You were a priority, was I an option?
Promises are meaningless unless fulfilled,
and broken promises are lies.

You knew from the beginning
all I had to offer you was my heart.
I'm sorry that wasn't enough.
So, we'll go our own ways.

Hopefully you'll remember the things I've told you,
Hopefully you'll realize that my sincerity was absolute.
A broken heart was not what I sought,
But I guess I've learned from this.

We're supposed to learn from our mistakes,
but I do not consider this a mistake.
I just wish the story didn't end this way,
Because I still hold dear the girl who helped me write this.

I still have these memories,
of a side of me that no one can see.

Remember when you held my hand
like you'd never let it go?
Remember when we talked about
where we'd be a year from now?
Remember, because all that's left is the past.
We'll never make another memory.

------------
Love Doesn't Exist by Ang Jian Rong

Edited by Bryan Choo

o.o It's such a good poem x.x

Motionless In White - To Keep From Getting Burned

2011-01-29T02:14:00.000+08:00

Song of the day! Motionless In White - To Keep From Getting Burned

This song is lovely :D

There are a few bands on my current watchlist:
We Came As Romans
Woe, Is Me
Asking Alexandria
Abandon All Ships
MSWHITE
Oceano
Miss May I
Upon This Dawning
Motionless In White
Skyscrapers Walk Among Us
This Romantic Tragedy
Snow White's Poison Bite
My Autumn
Romantic Emily
Modern Day Escape

I need an 8GB mp3 player or something ._.

Borgore Guidede Relaxation Dub

2011-01-23T22:41:00.005+08:00

BORGORE GUIDEDE RELAXATION DUB
DUBSTEP!!

This is pretty sick shit.

Updated watchlist:
Gosick
Ore No Imouto
Freezing
Dragon Crisis
Kore Wa Zombie Desu Ka
Fractale
Ochinko
Level E
Koe De Oshigoto
K-On!!
To Aru Majutsu No Index

List of Anime girls that I liek?
Kanade Tachibana
Index Liborium Prohibitorium (<- Weid name lulz)
Mio Akiyama
Nakano Azusa
Gokou Ruri (Kuroneko)
Rose (Dragon Crisis)
Victorique De Blois
Eucliwood Hellscythe
Midori Kasugano

OMG TOMORROW A NEW EPISODE OF ZOMBIE WILL BE RELEASED! ^^
And Dragon Crisis :D

Abandon All Ships - Take One Last Breath (video)

2011-01-19T23:13:00.000+08:00

Song of the day: Abandon All Ships - Take One Last Breath!

Man I love the energy of the performers in the video, but I feel that the video is out of sync.
THE SYNTH IS AWSHUM!
I introduced this to some of my friends and they said the song is awshum too but they think it would've been better without teh screamzxzxz. Oh wellz.

I liek talking liek thiz nao. Makez me feel goodz.

Miss May I - Relentless Chaos Official Video

2011-01-18T23:12:00.001+08:00

So this is the song of the day: Miss May I - Relentless Chaos.
Fucking amazing.

Updated anime watchlist:
Freezing
Kore Wa Zombie Desu Ka?
Dragon Crisis
Fractale
Gosick
K-On!!
To Aru Kagaku No Railgun
To Aru Majutsu No Index
Koe De Oshigoto
Ore No Imouto
Shinryaku! Ika Musume
Fairy Tail
Black Butler

Frostbite

2011-01-17T23:54:00.010+08:00

I've just written angst-driven lyrics.
Enjoy it~

Frostbite
--------
I've gathered all this hate
into my shivering hands.
Hands that have always dreamed
of changing the world.

Fragile beings are like dolls,
abused, and discarded once broken.

I'm watching the dance of a little girl,
with a warm laughter that aches my heart.
My burning tears stain my face
and I want to take her joy away.

I envy the ignorant beings,
with innocence as white as teeth.
Teeth that always glow radiantly
behind their cracked lips.

Fragile beings are like icicles,
that shatter when they hit they floor.

I'm watching the dance of a little girl,
with a warm laughter that aches my heart.
My burning tears stain my face
and I want to take her joy away.

Tonight, the world sits in silence,
a heart will be tainted and frozen.
The reality will take innocence away,
like the sweeping wind of winter.

I'm watching the dance of a little girl,
with a warm laughter that aches my heart.
My burning tears stain my face
and I want to take her joy away.

I'm watching the eyes of that little girl,
with a familiarity that calms my heart.
Burning tears trickle down her face
as the joy is taken from her soul.

Naive and foolish fantasies are
the hopes to keep the weak living.
-------

I hope I killed you a little inside.
Have a good day.

Asking Alexandria - Bite your Lips And Fake It

2011-01-17T22:41:00.000+08:00

Alright, here's the song of the day:

1 more anime to watchlist:
Fractale.

I'm afraid of 30 out of 73 common fears.

2011-01-17T13:08:00.002+08:00

if you get more than 30, I strongly recommend some counseling.

If you get more than 20, you're paranoid.

If you get 11-20, you are normal.

If you get 10 or less, you're fearless.

Tag 20 of your friends and find out whether or not they suffer paranoia.

I fear ...

[ ] black people

[ ] the dark

[ ] staying single forever

[ ] being a parent

[ ] being in front of others

[ ] open spaces

[ ] closed spaces

[ ] heights

[ ] dogs

[ ] birds

[ ] fish

[x] spiders

[ ] flowers or other plants

Total so far: 1

[ ] fire

[x] deep water

[x] snakes

[ ] silk

[x] the ocean

[x] failure

[ ] success

[ ] thunder/lightning

[ ] frogs/toads

[ ] my boyfriends/girlfriends dad

[ ] my boyfriends/girlfriends mom

[x] rats

[x] jumping from high places

[ ] snow

Total so far: 7

[ ] rain

[ ] wind

[x] crossing hanging bridges

[ ] death

[ ] heaven

[x] being robbed/mugged/raped

[ ] falling

[ ] clowns

[ ] dolls

[x] large crowds of people

[ ] men

[ ] women

[x] having great responsibilities

[ ] doctors

[ ] dentists

[x] tornadoes

Total so far: 22

[x] hurricanes

[x] incurable diseases

[x] sharks

[ ] Friday the 13th

[ ] ghosts

[x] poverty

[ ] Halloween

[ ] school

[ ] trains

[ ] odd numbers

[ ] even numbers

[ ] being alone

[x] becoming blind

[x] becoming deaf

[x] growing up, becoming old

Total so far: 29

[ ] fairies

[x] creepy noises in the night

[ ] not accomplishing my dreams/goal

[ ] needles

[ ] blood

Total: 30

Now Re-Post with title: “I'm afraid of X out of 73 common fears" and tag 20 people! :)

Arms Like Yours - Collapse Repeat

2011-01-14T01:06:00.002+08:00

My anime watchlist:

K-On!! <- Lol 3 more episodes to finish!
To Aru Kagaku No Railgun! <- At Episode 18 now I think.
Koe De Oshigoto <- CAN'T WAIT FOR EPISODE 2
Dragon Crisis <- Waiting for Episode 2 :b
Fairy Tail <- Haven't started watching :o
To Aru Majutsu No Index <- Haven't started watching. Recommended by Shiki
Black Butler <- Haven't started watching. Recommended by Tertius
Ore No Imouto <- Haven't started watching. Decided to follow the trend.
Shinryaku! Ika Musume <- Haven't started watching. Seems like Ika is a really popular character.

So tomorrow I'll have my Better Pronunciation For Better Speech test and I haven't started preparing at all. I think I will on the train to school tomorrow lololol.
And I've got a test on Keyboard Skills. Supposed to play a piece but heck I'm screwing that. It's gonna take too long for me to learn that song.

It seems all my exams will be coming in 4 weeks or so and I need to start doing my homework ._.
I haven't decided on a recital piece for Keyboard Skills
and my Recording Equipment and Mixing Techniques group haven't done much ._.
Gonna be bloodshed over the use of recording studios soon zomg.
For Acoustical Science... I haven't paid attention in a single lesson the whole year... I think I'm gonna spend a week studying by reading all the slides.
For MIDI Synthesis and Composition... I haven't finished a single composition, and in fact, none of the three are even halfway there. Shit.
For Ear Training... oh god dammit, looks like I gotta practice every two days.
For Music Theory.. ZOMG I'M STILL AT CHAPTER 5 AND I THINK JAMES IS TEACHING CHAPTER 11 OR SOMETHING ALREADY O_O

WOW. Looks like I've got a lot of work to do! Good thing that I decided to list out my homework o_o

SCREW THISSSS... Learning Japanese will have to wait :c

Oh and I should add a "Song Of The Day" feature from now on lololol.
So.. That's what the title of every blog post I have from now on :D

SONG OF THE DAY:
Arms Like Yours - Collapse Repeat
Pretty decent metalcore song by a new band :b
I love the melody of the singing ^,^

Y U NO?!

2011-01-11T23:44:00.002+08:00

OMG YES!!!
I finally got my Vocaloids from Louis and I have installed Kagamine Rin/Len, Megurine Luka, Megpoid, and Hatsune Miku (Append) :D

Hurhurhur.

I should have a song up by the end of February xD

Also, I've decided to improve myself and not waste everyday existing so meaninglessly:
1) I will draw something everyday, whether good or not, or for the lulz or w/e.
2) I will practice any instrument for at least an hour everyday. Vox/Guitar/Keyboard/Drums.
3) I will write a new song every week.
4) I will complete an entire composition every month.
5) I will learn something about the Japanese Language every two days.

Oh yes, yes I will :D

New Lyrics?

2011-01-11T13:52:00.003+08:00

Come Back Home

---------------

I found a place where the Earth can kiss the sky.

It's a place most fitting just for you and I.

Shamefully, the fear of losing you is just the thing

that grips my heart when I'm awake, and it never goes away.

Honestly, I have a fear of seeing you again,

What if you don't want me? What if you don't love me anymore?

So this is the colour of solitude,

brushed with strokes of the hues of hopes

that I can ever even get back with you.

I found a place where the Earth can kiss the sky.

It's a place most fitting just for you and I.

Would you come back home? (Would you come back home?)

To these pair of arms so familiar

Would you come back home? (Would you come back home?)

I really wish you were here.

Silently, the fear of losing you grows with a pain.

I can never fall asleep, so it never goes away.

Honestly, just answer me, as truthfully as you can,

Why did you leave me? Am I important anymore?

I wonder if you're thinking about me too.

You never expressed yourself and

left suddenly. (Where are you?)

I found a place where the Earth can kiss the sky.

It's a place most fitting just for you and I.

Would you come back home? (Would you come back home?)

To these pair of arms so familiar.

Would you come back home? (Would you come back home?)

I really wish you were here.

A punishment so cruel, to keep me waiting,

and wishing, and wishing, SUFFERING INSIDE!

EEEAHHHHHH!!!!

YOU'RE WELCOME HOME!

Memories, of us together sharing everything,

eleven years ago, when we were eight years old…

I found a place where the Earth can kiss the sky.

It's a place most fitting just for you and I.

Would you come back home? (Would you come back home?)

To these pair of arms so familiar.

Would you come back home? (Would you come back home?)

I really wish you were here.

Come back home, come back home.

Just come back home, would you come back home?

-----------

Wrote this for a project that was supposed to be light rock/pop rock, so the lyrics are cheesy, yeah.

Then later, I realised that the melody and rhythm were starting to get posthardcore-ish, then it developed to the point where there were screams at the bridge. Lol. So overall I guess these lyrics look weird.

2011-01-11T13:52:00.000+08:00

Come Back Home

---------------

I found a place where the Earth can kiss the sky.

It's a place most fitting just for you and I.

Shamefully, the fear of losing you is just the thing

that grips my heart when I'm awake, and it never goes away.

Honestly, I have a fear of seeing you again,

What if you don't want me? What if you don't love me anymore?

So this is the colour of solitude,

brushed with strokes of the hues of hopes

that I can ever even get back with you.

I found a place where the Earth can kiss the sky.

It's a place most fitting just for you and I.

Would you come back home? (Would you come back home?)

To these pair of arms so familiar

Would you come back home? (Would you come back home?)

I really wish you were here.

Silently, the fear of losing you grows with a pain.

I can never fall asleep, so it never goes away.

Honestly, just answer me, as truthfully as you can,

Why did you leave me? Am I important anymore?

I wonder if you're thinking about me too.

You never expressed yourself and

left suddenly. (Where are you?)

I found a place where the Earth can kiss the sky.

It's a place most fitting just for you and I.

Would you come back home? (Would you come back home?)

To these pair of arms so familiar.

Would you come back home? (Would you come back home?)

I really wish you were here.

A punishment so cruel, to keep me waiting,

and wishing, and wishing, SUFFERING, AND CRYING.

AHHHHHH,

YOU'RE WELCOME HOME!

Memories, of us together sharing everything,

eleven years ago, when we were eight years old…

I found a place where the Earth can kiss the sky.

It's a place most fitting just for you and I.

Would you come back home? (Would you come back home?)

To these pair of arms so familiar.

Would you come back home? (Would you come back home?)

I really wish you were here.

Come back home, come back home.

Just come back home, would you come back home?

-----------

Wrote this for a project that was supposed to be light rock/pop rock, so the lyrics are cheesy, yeah.

So Cry Me A Fucking River, Bitch.

2011-01-10T11:01:00.004+08:00

Life is meaningless.
I'm not saying this because I'm emo.
I'm saying this because I really believe so.
Other people's lives may not seem meaningless because they have a purpose.
Having a religion is like having a drug to keep you alive because
it simply gives you the faith and hope to carry on.

There is no God.

There is no soul.

There is no afterlife.

There is no reincarnation.

There is no purpose of existence.

There is no fate.

You were only born because your mother bore you from your father's sperm.

You can do anything you are physically capable of doing.
- There is no "should or should not".

Life is about caring for yourself,
- caring for others is optional.

There is no selfless person in this world because he who gives surely takes joy in giving.

Do not bind yourself to rules simply because it is right,
- break them to achieve your satisfaction but avoid getting caught.

Try everything worth trying in your life, because death is always waiting for you.

Humans are like any other creatures; Humans are not above them.

Live, love, die.

I am.. Back?

2011-01-10T10:24:00.000+08:00

Hi. This post is obscenely late.

I'm getting annoyed with the spam on my cbox by these so-called "Blogwalkers".

Mehh :l

Deardrops To Fall

2010-09-20T01:52:00.002+08:00

Your scream echoes in my heart,
and your warm breath still stagnant on my neck.
It's a memory, a memory, ready to sink in.
Like your teeth on my bare skin,
and lips upon mine.
Just a memory, a memory, like all you've become.

You left my heart a lovebite,
like you left my life a scar.
You stole the emotions from my eyes,
and returned me nothing but memories.
Just fucking memories.

You selfishly made a silent departure
and left my hopes in constant decay.
You casted a shade over my eyes,
wishing me towards oblivion.
Passion is proven yet again
to exist and cease like fire.

Burn and die.

It's a memory, a memory, ready to sink in.
Like your teeth on my bare skin,
and lips upon mine.
Just a memory, a memory, like all you've become.

As our eyes find a coincidental meet,
guilt creeps into yours like shadows at dusk.
Your proud facade overshadowed by fear
brings me a grin I cannot hide.

Burn and die, embrace this inferno exile.
Burn and die, let the warm arms of hell greet you.
All there was to cherish, now a memory.
All these is to loathe, is the memory...
Of you.

Vocaloid!

2010-09-19T02:09:00.004+08:00

My favourite Vocaloid voices:
6. Yowane Haku
5. Hatsune Miku
4. Kagamine Rin
3. Megurine Luka
2. Megpoid
1. Lily

My New Year Wishes? O_O

2010-09-14T00:53:00.003+08:00

OH COOL, I found my old wishlist!

XBOX 360 Halo 3 bundle
A better girlfriend
Dyed/Highlighted hair
Left ear piercing
Snake bite piercing
A decent desktop
iPod Nano 8GB
A New Handphone
Acoustic Guitar
Electric Guitar + Amplifier
Band T shirts
Cargo camo pants
Socks o.o
New pair of glasses with transition lenses
A new bag
A posthardcore band o.o
A new pencil case
A new water bottle
An awesome sound system for my room
Electronic drums
13 points for 'O' Levels
A new wallet
Black jeans
White long pants with a fitting white outfit
Tablet
Hairspray
A new watch
A new EZlink card with a better picture o.o

Stuff that has been realised.
Stuff that I still really desire.
Stuff that I still would like to have.

And life would be so much better if... (Another section of my wishlist xD)

I could remove my moles
My hair was awesome
I was much slimmer
I had more muscular arms, chest, back, abs and legs
I had more discipline and determination
I had white teeth
I smelt fragrant
Singapore wasn't so damn hot
There was a solution to global warming lieknao
I had superpowers o.o
Girls weren't so stupid
Girls weren't too smart
Dionne was nicer to me
My complexion was nice
I could sing much better
I could scream
My growling is more consistent
I had stronger lungs
Everyone was more patient
Everyone was understanding
My favorite bands were better recognised
Growling was widely appreciated
People find better faith in real things and not books and liars
There weren't religions yet people still behave graciously
I had better instincts
I was super persuasive
The richness of this world was better balanced
Eyes were open
I was more appreciative
Everyone was more appreciative
Gangster don't disturb people
I was taller
Biff (my dog) wasn't so damn annoying and became more obedient
I could learn how to be of value
I could impact people's lives
My insectphobia is conquered/insects leave me alone
Singaporeans were more open and supportive
Singaporean culture did not involve so much gossip and kiasu-ness
I knew how to turn my flaws into strengths
People weren't so fake
I had a girlfriend who behaved and had the looks of an awesome anime character

._.

Jenson Ko: Letter to a Christian Girlfriend

2010-06-04T02:56:00.000+08:00

http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=331261178826&id=605387253&ref=mf

My Favourite Song as of June 3, 2010

2010-06-02T18:07:00.001+08:00

Like Nails To A Casket by I Killed The Prom Queen

Too many times searching for mercy without sincere remorse.
Look into these eyes forever, holding doubt under masks of false comfort you wear so proud.
And when the walls tear down, the shell expose must head for the shadows.
These bridges still smoldering.
A dark veil shields the eyes but still your name carries in the wind.
Know that I'll leave all compassion were it's due,
at the foot of your headstone.

It's too late to rise from the ruin,
the stench of death hangs in the air tonight.
But if you come back I'll be waiting with an open casket.
I'll be waiting with an open casket to bury you alive.

Years of betrayal will stain the days ahead.
I wish to sew the seeds of vengeance a single wish to end this rule.
I wish i sew a seed of vengeance and let the sky be vacant.
Years of betrayal stain the days ahead.
I'll be waiting with and open casket to bury you alive.
Watch the angels fall like flies,
from the dead heavens above.

She said "I love you"; she said "goodbye"

2010-05-05T08:09:00.001+08:00

She said "I Love You"
She said.
She said goodbye.
So cry me a fucking river bitch.
You wouldn't know love if it crushed your fucking chest.
Let go.
You wouldn't know love if it crushed your fucking chest.
"Razors, roses and a black tomorrow"

Parkway Drive's Romance Is Dead lyrics.

I'm A Luxury Few Can Afford

2010-05-05T08:06:00.002+08:00

This is the third time I'm played. -____-

I'm getting annoyed with this.

Enough of this shit please, I'm getting tired.

Where are the nice girls? :(

Accurately Judged

2010-05-05T08:04:00.000+08:00

Reveal your personality from your eating style

Dear Bryan Found Nemo, based on your test result: You are generally a calm person. You get excited when your favorite band is in town, when you are going on a date with your partner or when you and your friends are dancing. Your friends mean everything to you. You hate it when the summer is over.

You like art, and some poetry. You can throw a party, or help a friend put one together. You usually have no trouble finding dates, but you occasionally hit a dry spell. You like the outdoors, usually, and rainy weather doesn't bother you. You sometimes get jealous of people who are smarter or better looking than you, but you wouldn't hold it against them if you got to know them.

Here is the analysis:-

웃 :You are on good terms with your parents,

웃 :even though they annoy you once in a while.

웃 :People tend to think you are reliable and trustworthy.

웃 :You like animals.

The only thing inaccurate is "You like animals."

She said "I love you"; she'll say "goodbye".

2010-05-01T10:40:00.003+08:00

Christie, if I do not hear from you for two weeks, it'll be over.

I have become of such low priority to you now that you don't even say hi? Much less "i love u" or "i miss u babe :("

It's spiralling down. Catch it, before it shatters.

My Love Test Results

2010-04-26T01:21:00.000+08:00

Love Test

Dear Bryan Counts Blessings, below are your love test result:

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You fall in love quickly and easily.

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : In a relationship you give 60% and expect 40% in return.

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You like to get the person yourself.

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You are a more direct person and like to work out problems immediately

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You like to see him/her a lot.

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You love the person the way s/he is.

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You will tend to stay in love for a long time.

This is reaaallly accurate lol.

Facebook evaluated me

2010-04-26T00:27:00.001+08:00

Bryan Counts Blessings has 501 friends. 193 of them are male, 227 are female, and 81 are confused about their gender.

Based on his Facebook profile, Bryan has a 91% chance of getting married and is likely to have 4 children over his reproductive years.

He will make about $13,837,339 in his life and pay $4,151,202 in taxes.

In Bryan's life, he will have spent 26 years sleeping, and 583 hours on the toilet.

He will probably live to be about 95 years old. 451 people will attend his funeral with 9 of them expecting some kind of inheritance.

Fake A Remorse

2010-04-24T10:20:00.001+08:00

With every lie, there is a start.
With every white lie, a blacker heart.
After all this, I couldn't hate you.
My heart is cheating me, like it's supposed to.

Oh.

I could think I brought this upon myself,
it's as if I shouldn't blame you or anyone else.
Fake a remorse...
the next time you knock on my doors.

I'd like it all
to be a ringing silence.
I'd like it all
to be a ringing silence.
I wish I was
deaf to chase these feelings... away,
I wish I was
dead to end this suffering... today.

I cannot do what I should,
I cannot leave you...
I cannot hate like I should,
I still love you...

I still love you...

With every lie, there is a start.
With every white lie, a blacker heart.
After all this, I cannot hate you.
My heart is cheating me, like you still do.

The dust in the light will never go away,
don't talk 'til you've got something good to say.
Fake a remorse...
the next time you knock on my doors.

Enough, enough of all this.

Grace begets joy

2010-03-25T12:52:00.000+08:00

What would you do?....you make the choice. Don't look for a punch line, there isn't one. Read it anyway. My question is: Would you have made the same choice?

At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves children with learning disabilities, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its

dedicated staff, he offered a question:

'When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does, is done with perfection.

Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do.

Where is the natural order of things in my son?'

The audience was stilled by the query.

The father continued. 'I believe that when a child like Shay, who was mentally and physically disabled comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child.'

Then he told the following story:

Shay and I had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, 'Do you think they'll let me play?' I knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but as a father I also understood that if my son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.

I approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said, 'We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning.'

Shay struggled over to the team's bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt. I watched with a small tear in my eye and warmth in my heart. The boys saw my joy at my son being accepted.

In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three.

In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as I waved to him from the stands.

In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again.

Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.

At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game?

Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.

However, as Shay stepped up to the

plate, the pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact.

The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed.

The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay.

As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.

The game would now be over.

The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman.

Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.

Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman's head, out of reach of all team mates.

Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, 'Shay, run to first!

Run to first!'

Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base.

He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.

Everyone yelled, 'Run to second, run to second!'

Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base.

B y the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball . the smallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the hero for his team.

He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head.

Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home.

All were screaming, 'Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay'

Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, 'Run to third!

Shay, run to third!'

As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet screaming, 'Shay, run home! Run home!'

Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team

'That day', said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, 'the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world'.

Shay didn't make it to another summer. He died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making me so happy, and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!

AND NOW A LITTLE FOOT NOTE TO THIS STORY:

We all send thousands of jokes through the e-mail without a second thought, but when it comes to sending messages about life choices, people hesitate.

The crude, vulgar, and often obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion about decency is too often suppressed in our schools and workplaces.

If you're thinking about forwarding this message, chances are that you're probably sorting out the people in your address book who aren't the 'appropriate' ones to receive this type of message Well, the person who sent you this believes that we all can make a difference.

We all have thousands of opportunities every single day to help realize the 'natural order of things.'

So many seemingly trivial interactions between two people present us with a choice:

Do we pass along a little spark of love and humanity or do we pass up those opportunities and leave the world a little bit colder in the process?

A wise man once said every society is judged by how it treats it's least fortunate amongst them.

Your flattery goes unanswered

2010-03-20T14:16:00.002+08:00

I recently went back to school to collect my O level cert along with my testimony. This is what it reads:

--------------------

Choo Jun Keat Bryan was a student of Bedok Green Secondary School from 2006 to 2009.

Bryan was a bubbly and cheerful student who had a lot of zest. He had a colourful character and had depth of imagination and creativity that could be capitalised on in the right field. He had keen powers of observation and kept an open mind for new ideas especially in his written work. He was an intelligent student whose academic results did not always reflect his abilitites. Bryan carried out his tasks independently and could be relied upon to submit work on time. Bryan demonstrated responsibility in carrying out his duty as the class Recycling Manager in which he helped to recycle used papers and plastic bottles. he had a keen interest in the aesthetics and had talent in drawing and dramatisation. He also had a natural flair for writing and in communicating his views spontaneously. He display an active imagination and spent his free time writing poems and lyrics to express his views and feelings.

Bryan was not governed by conventional thinking and was continuously rethinking traditional assumptions. He was willing to tread in unchartered waters for self-development and self-discovery. He took the initiative to participate in the school exchange programme in Brunei in 2008 and performed a sing-and-dance item for the students during his stay there. He enthusiastically rendered a helping hand in the class decorations in 2009. Bryan had a high intellectual capacity and this was evident in his attainment of a distinction grade in the University New South Wales International Competition and Assessment in Science in 2009. Bryan showed respect and care to others and was cordial in his relations with his peers. He was able to comply to rules based on logical reasoning, accepted feedback readily and made attempts to act on self-development.

Bryan was a member of the school's Modern Dance Club. He displayed a high level of cooperation and showed support towards his other club members. he showcased his talents by performing in public at the SYF@Ngee Ann City in 2007 and Brilliante 2 in 2008, a school-based public performance. Bryan also took on the role as a backstage crew members in the Singapore Youth Festival Central Judging Competition in 2007, and 2009. he never failed to show responsibility and cooperation in performing his duties.

Bryan displayed a strong sense of environmental consciousness through his participation in the Inter-Class Recycling Competition in 2007 and 2008 and in the Newspaper Collection Project organised by the school in 2009. Having a sense of environmental consciousness, he showed enthusiasm, dedication and team spirit in carrying out his task.

Overall, Bryan has an aptitude for innovative ideas. He has many latent strengths and the potential for further self-development if they are utilised in an appropriate field of interest in the future.

--------------------

There ARE points i disagree on :b

Climbing into the fire, my hands are forceful

2010-03-08T18:37:00.002+08:00

I need a life. And I'm getting somewhat sick of my blog. Rofl. I'm getting sick of quite alot of things. All I do is play GunZ at home. I'm too lazy to exercise =/ And when I start convos with some people, they aren't there. I wanna go out with friends and have fun but, they're all busy D:

I wanna watch a few movies: Percy Jackson: The Lightning Theif, Woflman, Alive In Wonderland, 14 Blades. =/

I was supposed to go to Singapore Polytechnic today to submit a few of my application forms. One which is overdue, but I thought I should go with Felicia 'cos she needs to too. =/ Gotta help her 'cos she can't help herself xD What a nice guy I am :D

Dear Love: A Beautiful Discord

2010-02-27T23:12:00.003+08:00

Hi blog.
I'm quite glad you're not quite like a dog.
You don't bark, you don't shit, and you don't get hungry.
You listen pretty well and that's fine for me :D

I don't think you seem me pretty often these days. Jeisyabelle does.

Jeisyabelle :D

I've been playing GunZ pretty often these days... :O

Less songwriting and less drawing.

In GunZ, I've got awesome clanmates, and they're really fun to play with :D

But our leader is pretty suckish D:
I don't mean to be mean...
but... it is true... ><

Oh well. I'm gonna recreate a clan. I don't know what I'll name it.
Perhaps "Fathoms" or "Carrion"? xD
The bulk of them are going to be from my current clan, "Designed".

I'm sure you don't know what the hell I'm saying...
but.
OH WELL :D

It was written in blood

2010-02-20T15:46:00.002+08:00

Dear Bryan Writes Songs, below is your Personality Tests result:

Who is your true self:
You like privacy very much because you enjoy spending time with your own thoughts. You like to disappear when you cannot find solutions to your own problems, but you would feel better if you learned to share your thoughts with a person you trust.

I find the "true self" result terribly inaccurate, but below, is super accurate :O

Your view on yourself:

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You are down-to-earth

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :People like you because you are so straightforward

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of a problem

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking:

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You are a true romantic

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :When you are in love

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You will do anything

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Everything to keep your love true

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you meet that person

The seriousness of your love:

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :So you will find yourself with plenty of dates

Your views on education:

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You listen to your own instincts

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Tend to follow your heart

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :So you will probably end up with an unusual job

The right job for you:

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You need to choose something

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Go for it to be happy

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Achieve success

How do you view success:

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Success in your career is not the most important thing in life

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You are content with what you have

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your life on material luxuries

What are you most afraid of:

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You are concerned about your image

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :The way others see you

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :It's time for you to believe in who you are

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Not what you wear

My little den houses me :)

2010-01-31T17:25:00.007+08:00

OH YEAH. AND I HAVE MY OWN PC IN MY ROOMZ :DD

My Room :D

This cute little Bart Simpson "Bryan"

A drawing I did and tacked on my wall :)
It says "The Heartbreak Riot"

My keyboard :D
Bleach and Naruto posters 1

Naruto posters 2

Final Fantasy Poster :D
SO NICE RIGHT

The Devil Wears Prada 1 :D

The Devil Wears Prada 2 :D

Bring Me The Horizon 1 :D

Bring Me The Horizon 2 :D

Matt Tuck of Bullet For My Valentine :D

A Day To Remember :)

My bed :D

My bag :D

My cpu :D

My hand find its way up the ashes

2010-01-31T17:05:00.004+08:00

Where do I start? It's been a while :O

Okay those posts down there? So whiny. HAHA.

K next.
Uh... YEAHHH My O level results and all.
I got 13 points for L1R4 and 16 points for L1R5.

Its really a miracle because I've been failing most of my subjects and yet I did far better than I expected. Even my teachers, who had long thought I was hopeless, came over to congratulate me when they heard about my results :D

I got..
Chinese______C6
English______B3
Chemistry____B3
Physics______B3
Biology______B3
Geog + SS___A2
E Math______A2
A Math______Absent

I absented myself from A math because I knew I'd get F9. Thus, I saved myself from a bad looking report card xD

Aaaaand I GOT INTO MUSIC AND AUDIO TECHNOLOGY AT SINGAPORE POLYTECHNIC WHICH WAS MY FIRST CHOICE :D
11 Points COP :O

I got in because I had 2 points deducted as I got A1 for CCA, and I know I don't deserve A1 for my CCA because I kept skipping it and hardly did anything.
My CCA was modern dance, and I didn't learn to dance, really. I sat aside, watched girls dance and earned CCA points :D Well done BRYAN!
So. I really am a miracle :D

She returned me my heart and walked away

2010-01-09T23:27:00.003+08:00

It's over.

I'm not going to be waiting anymore, she told me not to.
I hope we'll still be friends.
I know what you're going through too.
I understand,
I really do.

The dilemma of whether to return to your ex or take a gamble with someone you hardly know.

It's easier to let go, since I understand this,
and this isn't the first time I'm going through this.
It hurts less when I don't think about you.
I'm trying not to, trying not to.

I am a stalker

2010-01-08T20:56:00.003+08:00

I know your info has been edited, I know you changed your email, I know most of your notes have been removed, I know you have two less photos you were tagged in, I know the "About Me" thing below your profile pic on your profile has changed from "Release! I'm outta control! Lets rock that shit" to "Yo <3", and I am aware that the order of your photo albums have changed.

Yet no reply.

My heartstrings are twisted in her finger

2010-01-08T20:26:00.002+08:00

She probably doesn't read my blog, but I'm desperately in need of ranting space. Her phone is confiscated, but that's fine, I thought we could send each other mail on facebook. It worked for a night... Then... after that, she didn't talk to me anymore. I fear I'm not the only man in her mind.

I've sent her mail telling how I miss her and such but I get no replies. I am aware that she goes online, I am. Or maybe someone used her account... But I know there has been changes on her facebook page. I do look through her facebook page like everyday to get a hint. I'm hurt.

Perhaps I'm too clingy, the same issue I had with my ex. I care too much, I'm in love so deep :(

On the first night we talked on the phone, I already knew she couldn't go out often.
That was the first obstacle in our relationship-to-be. So I promised her I'd wait two years while I would be in Poly, that even though there's gonna be lots of hot girls in Poly and all, she'll be the only one in my heart, and that I'll wait 'till she graduates so we can finally have our time for each other.

I'm gonna be keeping that promise unless she removes me as a friend from facebook. It'll be akin to burning our bridges. That will be the final straw.

Sinead, I love you lots <3

Mutual Density

2010-01-07T17:41:00.002+08:00

I wrote this song to express the disgrace I feel due to my countrymens' cowardice in a recent molestation case in a New Year countdown party at Sentosa.

All the shame, all the shame

They will think I'm insane

But these clouds understand

With me they cry the rain

I'm sad to know I acquaint

to people I find are so ugly

And my heart aches as I paint

a portrait of my society

'cos when you find that you need some help

they just stand and stare, like they always do

You're being compromised somewhere

but you can't find a hand, no one will save you

I see the pain in her eyes

as she fights the hands that grope her

But she looks up to realise

everyone else is taking pictures

I'm drowning in shame

right here in this sea of cowards

I don't swim in the same

high tides of selfishness

When you find that you need some help

they just stand and stare, like they always do

You're being compromised somewhere

but you can't find a hand, no one will save you

I'VE BURIED HELPLESSNESS IN MY EYES

TO SUCH A DEPTH I CANNOT FATHOM

I HOPE THEY HEAR DISDAIN IN MY VOICE

I HOPE I CAN TEACH... THEM...

They'll only see the light when they're sorry
They'll only see the light when they're sorry!

When you find that you need some help

they just stand and stare, like they always do

You're being compromised somewhere

but you can't find a hand, no one will save you

But when I knew you needed help

I felt an ache within, something I once knew

I took a step as I raised a fist

and lent my other hand, somehow saving you

All the shame, all the shame

You could say I'm insane

that we're both quite the same

('cos.. )She and I felt the pain

All the shame, all the shame

Oh the shame, oh the shame

Our shame, our shame

Our pain, our pain

A woman was openly groped by four men and no one helped, but took videos and pictures instead. I'm utterly disgusted. This country is Singapore and I'm not really proud to say I belong here.

In this song, the shame i used refers to two things:
1. The shame of being in this society
2. The shame of being publicly bullied before

I feel helpless because I can't simply tell everyone to be braver and stronger to face such cases of bullying, which is why I want to teach them through this song that you don't want to feel the shame of being bullied before you know how much the victim needs your help (Growling part)

I'm a guy who has also been bullied in other ways, and the shame of it before the bystanders' eyes hurt a lot.

The part in caps is the part I'd growl.
The part in italic is the part I'd whisper.

Her picture smiles

2010-01-06T14:15:00.002+08:00

I unlock my phone and see her on my background. I want to text her but I can't, it's killing me.

Nucking futs over her

2010-01-03T18:48:00.005+08:00

She took seconds to arouse interest,
and seconds for me too.
It only took me minutes to like her,
but hours to confess.
Grace held my hand,
and guided my dance of impression.
I caught her breath, she fell.
Fell, for me.

Sweet talks and whispers
filled our hearts with desires,
Cupid shot darts
and our intimate dance starts.
In dreams we sat close,
rubbing bodies against clothes.
Reality falls apart,
we lead our minds into our hearts.

The clouds swallow the pale moon

2009-12-31T12:35:00.006+08:00

Okay, Dionne, I had it.

I shall love you no more.

Your frozen daggers will not reach my heart.
Never again shall you hurt me.

You will lose the warmth
people would die to have.

You did not appreciate it.

You did not appreciate me.

Your once blissful memory burns
in the hell you put me through.

I'll blow the ashes off my fingertips

onto your flowers so they'd wilt.

You sent me letters laced in honey.
They have all rotten.
I found them lovely, I smiled.
I find them dreadful, I frown.

I'll spare myself from pain,
it was all but deserved.

Your scent is now a stench.
Memories became miseries.

So farewell my second love,
let the buried hands come claim you.
My protection has long worn off.
You'll be my lover no more.

Passion is defined not by time

2009-12-31T12:28:00.002+08:00

I believe that when people are going to intercourse, they shouldn't think about anything else besides the thrill and pleasure of what is present. Not consequences, or moral ethics, but believe that the passion is only in that moment where all else is meaningless besides the intimacy they engage in.

If people can't do that, what's the joy in it?

Lifting new skin to see old bones

2009-12-17T14:46:00.002+08:00

I figured out the reason why it always seems to be that there are so little girls available for us guys. It's because girls can accept ugly guys while guys can't accept ugly girls. We're so superficial :O and it's a fact!

I've come up with plans to sell drawings. Draw, scan, send for printing onto canvas and a frame and sell them at about 150 each. I only profit about 50 dollars T_T perhaps I could sell for more, but where to sell them? o.o

I've edited my blogskin because youtube does not allow mixpod to let audio content be streamed without showing the video itself so... I expanded pretty much everything and now the cbox looks weird. I don't know how to edit its text size... lol.

Sleep Three Winks

2009-12-10T11:44:00.002+08:00

Live without life to find it's missing

She found him and now he's missing

Cold reflections are cast

upon the puddles she's wept

and I am watching over her head

She said:

"I vision bright stars falling

crashing down on me"

Live without life to find it's missing

She found him and now he's missing

My heart swells with impurity

like that of a sinner

But deeper I'm soft

aching, as I watch her

Live without life to find it's missing

She found him and now he's missing

And my life is now darker

than the skies above

I swallowed the colours

and laid to rest

My eyes are never opening

This is the first song I wrote that is so deep. The lyrics carry hidden meanings :D

Gossip is a bad habit

2009-12-04T18:31:00.002+08:00

I saw this proverb, which was something like... He who gossips about others gossips about you too. And... It made some impact.

PROVERBS ROCK. ALWAYS MAKE SENSE IN SUCH WEIRD WAYS!

There's someone missing in the frame

2009-11-26T11:33:00.002+08:00

I keep thinking about her and I tense when I read her old texts. My heart beats faster and I breathe faster too. I remember everything worth remembering and I can't look forward. The images flash in my head and pictures move, reenacting the lovely kisses I can't let go of. My non-physical self chases her again and I stay here, lying still. Sooner or later, this will pass. This will pass.

The day drags on and frail words collapse

2009-11-25T20:04:00.002+08:00

I am single again o.o

We pretty much broke up but we're still good friends now and... the reason is simply because we were incompatible. Its not that we dislike each other or that anything bad actually happened, but its just that she and I preferred things oppositely. Its a pity, my mum actually liked her =/ Oh well. It was a decent time in my life though :D

Well, I know I've matured significantly since getting into my first relationship but... I'm not gonna specify details x) I'm not heartbroken, I feel a little sad only.

I didn't get a call from the hotel and neither did she so I guess I'm not gonna work there.

I'll find some other place ._.

Music! Come take me awayyyyyy~

Charlatan

2009-11-23T11:03:00.002+08:00

And it started with your promises

that we would live a life of bliss

This isn't how I pictured it

those were lies

And we're sifting through the evidence

to prove your trust, it don't exist

Now we're all kids against business

and we're torn

But I can be saved

if I just open my eyes to everything

Lights on display

There's no room

If this is what's called love

I've been betrayed

Now there's a lack of faith

I can't explain

All the trades, the parted soul

Now we're just doing what we're told

There is no way that we

could make it alone

And we're sifting through the evidence

to prove your trust, it don't exist

Now we're all kids against business

and we're torn

So we can be saved

If you could just make the bad dreams go away

Louder Than Thunder

2009-11-23T10:55:00.002+08:00

What would it take for things to be quiet?

Quiet like the snow.

Cause I know this isn't much,

but I could, I could be better.

I don't think I deserve this.

Selflessness, find your way

into my heart.

All stars could be brighter,

all hearts could be warmer.

What would it take for things to be quiet?

Quiet like the snow.

Are we meant to be empty handed?

I know I could be better.

Bitch about the bush

2009-11-22T20:00:00.003+08:00

I was at the Bedok interchange on my way to my grandparents place from Jiayi's place. This malay dude came up to me and tried to hit on me :O

Script:

me: (Walking... walking... I sense presence of someone else and turn around)

d00d: Eh friend, friend. Can you help me friend?

me: (Stare at him, waiting for his request)

d00d: Friend, can you help me friend?

me: (Gets slightly annoyed and impatient) How can I help you?

d00d: Friend, I just now come out from the police station on bail. Can you help me give me money friend? I stuck there now and nobody want to help me. Cannot go home sia.

me: (Looks amused) Dude. I've got no money. Really no money, no joke. No joke.

d00d: Okay nevermind. (Does not look dejected or anything, waves hand and walks away)

I knew he lied. He didn't ask anyone else besides me, in other words, not desperate for help. I was giving that blur face so I bet I looked like a fool but no~ >:) too bad kiddo.

Oh well.

I'm a sad kid. I shall assume you all know that by now :D

Even after Os, I still don't have the freedom to use the com freely, and I don't have money to do anything ._. My parents expect me to work for it. Oh well.

I went to apply for a job as a waiter at Banquet in Marriott Hotel with Rosary and I hope we make it ><>

Its the Anime Festival at Suntec today and yesterday and I wanted to go but couldn't because I've got no money lol. Rosary went and met up with her old friends and I hope she had fun cos... I felt kinda lonely o.o

And... I...

I still haven't start working out yet o.o

I need to diet too :|

Demons dance in the twilight

2009-11-12T20:47:00.003+08:00

My sister is kinda weird.

She saw me at the mirror and stared at me for a while.

Then she said "Kor, don't be so vain lah," and pushed me away.

Then she stood before the mirror and started on her hair, "My turn."

-.-

That happened two weeks ago.

I'm posting this to let everyone know weird things happen.

If people don't know weird things happen, its kinda sad for them.

You know what?

People could make out and grope in school too :O

Well, I mean, I think its nice.

Not saying I did it or anything.

Not saying I didn't :X

Then again, black and white aren't colours

2009-11-11T20:04:00.003+08:00

Ehh.. I may not be getting my phone back until tomorrow morning :| so... leave me a tag on my cbox and I'll get back to you around 9.30 or so :) if you wanna say goodnight or something. hahah. Or you can call me at 63007830.

Sorry but I forgot your handphone number! :<

Let x be the second number and let y be the third number and let z be the fourth number.

I remember its like this 9xyzyz9x though. Right? hahaha. Nice number btw, forgot to tell you :X

Deaf Ears

2009-11-11T19:45:00.008+08:00

I regret how I couldn't see

the way you looked at me (when I let)

ungraceful words dance through my lips

making your forehead crease

And you've been taking all those to your

heart and let me leave you shaken

I wish that I knew sooner

so I could correct them

This time I'll believe what your eyes tell me

I never thought that I had to learn this way

I should've stopped right then when I could see

but now its too late you're turning away

I've been testing new thresholds

for every chance after chance

I was so blind

I couldn't see the signs

You may have been telling me for years

but sorry dear, my eyes cannot hear

Just bear with me when I'm not sober.

I say the wrong things, said I'm sorry.

This time I'll believe what your eyes tell me

I never thought that I had to learn this way

I should've stopped right then when I could see

but now its too late you're turning away

Please lift your chin again

your eyes are swollen

I want to ease your pain

it hurts me when you're broken

You've been crying when

you think I'm not around

I weep outside the

door without a sound

I say the wrong things, said I'm sorry

This time I'll believe what your eyes tell me

I never thought that I had to learn this way

I should've stopped right then when I could see

but now its too late you're turning away

You know I'll believe what your eyes tell me

I really tried to learn from my past mistakes

I know I was wrong, please forgive me

I'll get down on my knees- whatever it takes

Uhh I haven't thought of the tune for everything. Baby, I might as well say this song is for you :) Of course, nothing happened like it did here ^^

The red part is the screaming part and the bold parts is the chorus :O

Serpent: "Adam, take the apple."

2009-11-10T21:45:00.003+08:00

Can't do that again, the responsibility is like a burden, the weight on my shoulders tire me for every time you kiss me again.

Her pale skin glows like the lovely moon

2009-11-09T20:24:00.002+08:00

9/11/09, I tasted my first dose of nicotine in a little den shy of the sun. THE HONour, ecstatic.

Your eulogies will be music to my ears

2009-11-08T10:04:00.005+08:00

I'm gonna upload more and more and more and more music onto my blog :D

Everyone must listen k :)

The first playlist is an autoplay one. It's soft soothing music only.

You're listening to it now

The second playlist is a playlist for mainstream music only.

Like Saosin, I Am Ghost, The Birthday Massacre, Throw The Fight, Skillet.

The third playlist, which is still under "construction" is going to be one for post-hardcore, alternative, and perhaps some metalcore. There will be SCREAMING :D

Like uh.. Blessthefall, All That Remains, The Word Alive, Escape The Fate, Killswitch Engage.

The fourth playlist, which hasn't even been created yet, is going to be one for metalcore and deathcore and death metal music :3 It'll be screaming almost all the way.

Like uh.. Dimmu Borgir, Bring Me The Horizon, The Devil Wears Prada, Suicide Silence.

My playlists are gonna show you the kind of music I appreciate, and I would like you to love them too :D I appreciate music because of the skill it takes to make them, and I love lyrics that are deep or enchant me in some way.

I dislike pop, R&B, pop rock, rap, hip hop because they're just overrated. They're commercial music for music companies to farm money from, no?

I find trance, rave, techno okay because it's meant to let people dance to lol.

These are the artists/bands I've listened alot to in chronological order. Perhaps you wanna try it too? Then you may eventually love the music I do ^,^

Linkin Park (Primary school days)

Evanescence

Cascada

My Chemical Romance (Early secondary school days)

Ayumi Hamasaki

Sum 41 (Late 2008)

Skillet

Bullet For My Valentine

Slipknot

Disturbed

A Day To Remember (Early 2009)

Dimmu Borgir

Saosin

All That Remains

Blessthefall (Started my love for metalcore)

The Birthday Massacre

I Am Ghost (Started my love for posthardcore)

Escape The Fate

Endwell

Haste The Day

Aiden

Hadouken!

Five Finger Death Punch

Lamb Of God

Killswitch Engage

Underoath

The Blackout (Late 2009)

The Devil Wears Prada

Bring Me The Horizon

Throw The Fight

As I Lay Dying

The Word Alive

Suicide Silence

I See Stars

I Set My Friends On Fire
Eyes Set To Kill (Early 2010)
Parkway Drive
Attack Attack!
Heaven Shall Burn
From Autumn To Ashes

yeah... anymore music to recommend? :]

Charred

2009-11-05T21:37:00.003+08:00

Everything I ever had, you took away

I gave you all I had, crushing all my dreams

I tried to hold onto your arms as you walked away

but you left me to drown in my own screams

I cannot hate you and I still can't let go

Burning the bridges, you left me

on the other side where I can't reach you

My skin will burn away as I

walk into the flames just so I'd see you

To hide the tears on my face, I walk in the rain

I sit alone and drown in all my shame

I couldn't hold onto your arms as I fought the pain

The more I tried to fight, the less I became

Burning the bridges, you left me

on the other side where I can't reach you

My skin will burn away as I

walk into the flames just so I'd see you

You're not so far away

I stretched the hand where I carved your name

You're not so far away

We're here again where it all began

So come and take my hand

Don't blame me when its too late

to turn back to me again

'cos my arms are charred black

you gave to me this stain

This is your one last chance

to push me out of the flames

or put the fire out

cry me the rain

This is my one last stance

I'll test myself with the pain

Here I stand

waiting again

Burning the bridges, you left me

on the other side where I can't reach you

My skin will burn away as I

walk into the flames just so I'd see you

Our bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down

Our bridge is falling down, down in the flames

Our bridge is burning down, burning down, burning down

Our bridge is burning down, down in the flames

I somehow think that this song that I wrote wasn't very good. LOL. Could be better :P

I was your remedy, but its too late to take me now

2009-11-04T17:44:00.002+08:00

As new friends are made everyday, old ones just seem to fade away. I apologise, people, but I do admit our bridges are getting rusty. Don't let them erode, lets have some coffee :D Yeah, I wanna meet up with old friends at Starbucks, but we're all too caught up with our Os.

Os. Thats what they're all gonna be talking about now. It is far less important to me than it is to them, and I dunno why. I do take my Os seriously too though. I study, I try, but obviously too late. Two important years, sleeping through my fire drills and wake up to find everyone else on the other side of this wall of flames.

My dad told me that I'm just one who wanted to comfort myself by telling myself what happened has happened. And for this case, wake up at the last second when its almost over, and I'd get through it and tell myself I've done what I can. Its true, apparently. At least half the story was.

The flames are still as high as trees, and I'm going to walk through it, smirking like I've secretly humped a goat. LOL?

Oh, this reminds me of a song I wrote before: Burning Bridges. I've changed the title to Charred. I'll post it separately, some other time. No time now :P

Oh again the skies weep, hugging us in kind sorrow

2009-11-04T17:36:00.005+08:00

I am lazy, thus I am fat. I know I'm blessed. I was born with no physical complications, and no mental complications. I think.

Anyway, yeah, I was certainly born to luxury and I wish I had less. it was what spoiled me, shaped me into who I am today- A boy with no ambition, little motivation, and little drive. I'm too contented with what I have. Is that a good thing? I desire much less than many others, and that makes me weak I guess. Desire is power and determination is strength. I think. :P
(I just came up with this saying. LOL.)

Also, another thing I've come to learn in life is that... Really, treasure what you have now, for you'll weep when they're gone. I bet this is a deliberate human flaw, where people ALWAYS take things for granted, and bitch about what they've lost when its too late. "I should have blah blah" and all that. So don't regret, for you don't have to. Be nice to everyone and be generous in giving, for more will be returned in different ways. People will observe you with a raised eyebrow but don't bother, you know you're doing right. Good things come in small parcels, embrace them when they come.

The second hand twitches, never moving forward

2009-11-01T15:52:00.002+08:00

When I looked back at my old drawings, I smiled. A bit of shame catches up to me and I'm like, "What's this shit man." Pokemon, monsters, a little game-book thinggy, anime characters(with terrible proportion)... I used to think that I was good, that I was gifted. Shit, no. I sucked, I still do, even to this day. i'm still pretty confident though, that I'm better than average, but I feel so pubt down when I see the stuff in Deviantart. Like damn, I wish I was better.

I used to run to my parents, showing them my artistic accomplishment and expect praises and stuff, and they would always tell me they're nice, and I could tell they mostly meant it. Now, I realised its not really that I was all-that-good after all. When anything comes from someone you love, you'll always find it beautiful and lovely, regardless of its value.

My drawings could never sell for more than a dollar, but a kid with cancer who drew like I did could probably get a fullhouse auction for it. Why? Pity? Certainly logic falls behind emotions; Sympathy wins over. Feelings are what connects people most: Common woes, common interests, common experiences, or maybe just a common feeling between two people. I wish I knew how to use this knowledge =/

New beginnings

2009-11-01T15:39:00.001+08:00

Okay. I've simply changed my blog address and deleted all my old posts and changed my music playlists and a few other misc. stuff but overall, the skin's still the same ._.